How to Recognize Narcissistic Traits in your Therapist and Find a Safe, Authentic Space to Heal

While it’s important to emphasize that most therapists are dedicated, compassionate, and ethical, we must acknowledge a difficult truth: some individuals enter the helping professions not despite their narcissistic traits, but because of them.

Therapy is meant to be a space for healing, a place where you can be seen, heard, and supported by a trained professional. But what happens when the person sitting across from you, the one tasked with guiding your emotional growth, seems more focused on themselves than on your well-being?

 

A Personal Encounter with a Narcissistic Therapist

In my own journey, I encountered a therapist who insisted on a “prerequisite” before we could even begin our first session. I was required to watch a self-promotional presentation about a therapy approach they claimed was entirely new, something “never done before.” It wasn’t offered as helpful context; it was an ego-boosting assignment masquerading as therapeutic preparation.

But what truly revealed the narcissistic dynamics came later. In a vulnerable moment, while sharing a painful experience, I was cut off mid-sentence. The therapist interrupted with frustration and said, “Why don’t you just forgive her?” a directive that bypassed empathy and reflection. When I explained that the person in question later retracted her apology, they went silent. No curiosity. No attunement. I felt blamed. The silence was deafening.

What could have been a deeper exploration of unresolved grief, complex relational trauma, and boundary repair instead collapsed into a moment of the therapist invalidating more emotions. The potential for healing was lost, not because I was experiencing resistance, but because of their inability to hold space without reacting to their own unaddressed emotional issues.

The Irony of the “Helper” Role

As James F. Masterson writes in The Search for the Real Self:

“The False Self is an adaptation. It is not who the person truly is, but who they believe they must be to be accepted, valued, or in control.”

In order to move from the space of the False Self into the space of the True Self, we must first understand the capacities of the True Self. Psychotherapist James Masterson outlined these capacities, and they serve as a guide to help us recognize and reclaim our Real Selves. (See Capacities of the True Self (PDF) for more detail).

Some therapists who carry narcissistic wounds may use their role as a “Helper” like a mask. Not realizing that they are sitting with the False Self. On the outside, they can seem confident, skilled, and even inspiring. But underneath, they might struggle with low self-esteem and a strong need to feel important or admired.

Without realizing it, they may end up using their clients to meet their own emotional needs – like wanting praise, feeling in control, or even being emotionally cared for themselves. But how can a therapist help us reflect and access our True Self if they are sitting in their False Self?

As Masterson observed:

“The narcissistic defense develops to avoid abandonment depression – the crushing fear of being unloved, unmirrored, or emotionally alone.”

This defense can lead narcissistic therapists to unconsciously manipulate clients into emotional dependence, all under the illusion of deep care. In more troubling cases, there are therapists who are fully aware of this dynamic and intentionally exploit it. These are the malignant therapists. Those who cause harm not out of ignorance, but out of intent.

10-Signs Your Therapist May be a Narcissist

• They become defensive or subtly punish you for challenging their methods.
• They tend to make your pain about themselves.
• They seek your admiration or gratitude.
• They respond poorly to feedback or disagreement.
• They frame your emotional struggle as being “resistant” or “ungrateful.”
• You feel like you must take care of them.
• They minimize your emotions or seem detached from your struggles.
• They offer little compassion or connection when you’re vulnerable.
• They act superior or authoritarian instead of collaborative.
• They tend to blur the lines between professional and personal.
• Finding the Right Therapist: A Guide for Clients Ways you can safeguard your emotional health and ensure your therapist supports your Real Self, not their False one:
• Interview your therapist. Ask how they respond to feedback or disagreement. Their reaction will speak volumes.
• Trust your gut. If something feels off, honor that feeling. You are not imagining it.
• Reflect after sessions. Do you feel heard, supported, and expanded? Or judged and diminished? Therapy is meant to create space for your emotional experiences, from the stressful to the illuminating. It can be tiring at times, but it shouldn’t leave you feeling small. Things in therapy aren’t “good” or “bad”, they just are.
• Ask about supervision. Ethical therapists seek supervision and welcome accountability.
• Test boundaries gently. A safe therapist respects your autonomy and encourages your voice to be heard in the space.

Final Thoughts The therapist-client relationship should be a safe space – but like any relationship, it can be compromised by unresolved ego, power imbalance, or emotional neediness. You deserve a therapeutic space that honors your voice, your pace, and your process.

“The Real Self is spontaneous, creative, and alive – but it must feel safe to come forward.” -James F. Masterson
When therapists fail to make room for your Real Self, because their False Self must dominate, it’s not just unhelpful, it’s harmful. Seek the spaces and people that make your Real Self feel welcome.

Article by Taylor Schwartz, LMFT, Owner of Inner Strength Therapy. Inner Strength Therapy is a psychotherapy private practice supporting adults, couples, and teens through challenges like anxiety, trauma, narcissistic abuse, depression, relationship issues, and more. We offer in-person sessions in Beverly Hills, CA, and online therapy across California.

Visit www.istherapy.net or call/text 831-272-4622 to get started.
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